When I was a teenager, I babysat for my aunt and uncle who lived about an hour and a half away from where I lived. This was not the typical go over for the evening while they went out to dinner babysitting job. I would go to their house and stay for two to four days depending on how long they needed help. And so, I had the opportunity to really see how they interacted as a family and experience being absorbed into their family routines.
There are so many things about my time with them that shaped how I think about relationships, marriage, and family, but one of the things that stands out quite vividly to me is my uncle making a cup of tea for my aunt. I remember Uncle Tom cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, and my aunt and I were in the living room playing with their son. Uncle Tom asked if he could bring either of us anything, and Aunt Brenda said, “I’d love a cup of tea.”
I said to her, “Uncle Tom knows how you like your tea?” And she responded with a smile and a very matter-of-fact, “Of course!”
I know that may sound like a small thing, but much like me, Aunt Brenda has some specific ways she likes certain foods or drinks to be prepared. (I like to say that she and I have very discerning palates and that we are not at all “food snobs” as other family members seem to believe.) And so for Uncle Tom to know exactly how she takes her tea struck me more deeply than I’d realized at the time.
I don't think I fully understood the difference between kindness and loving kindness until our pastor told a wonderful story during our wedding ceremony. It went something like this...
During a Sunday School class, the teacher asked her young students what it looked like to show kindness to someone. The students shared several different answers - helping a neighbor, taking the dog for a walk, doing chores around the house, cheering someone up when they are sad.
Then the teacher asked what her students thought it meant to show loving kindness to another person. The students took a little longer to process this question. Then, a little boy piped up and said, “Kindness is when you’re hungry and someone brings you a piece of toast…but loving kindness is when they bring you a piece of toast with jelly on it.”
Our pastor went on to make the point that there would often be times in our marriage when we could choose to show kindness to each other, but there would also often be times when we could go the extra step to show loving kindness to each other. As a gift, he gave us a jar of jelly and asked that we place it somewhere in our home where we’d see it everyday and be reminded to show each other loving kindness.
Uncle Tom offering to make a cup of tea for Aunt Brenda is kind; his knowing exactly how she prefers her tea is loving kindness. And I have to admit, the tea thing has made its way into my marriage - both the specific preferences and the loving kindness! No matter what Jon has going on in the morning (early start, busy start, etc.), if he’s the first one awake, he makes my tea for me - and he knows exactly the way I like it!
Each day, we have so many opportunities to show kindness to those around us. We can also choose to demonstrate loving kindness. How are you showing loving kindness to those around you? Ask God to present you with opportunities to demonstrate loving kindness to someone today. It could involve a family member, a friend, a coworker, or the person in line behind you at the coffee shop. God may surprise you and invite you to show loving kindness to yourself!
If receiving loving kindness or showing loving kindness to others feels difficult, I'd love to talk more with you about that. Please feel free to send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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