Very recently, some people I care about have experienced difficult situations. They are experiencing difficult situations. It’s not finished yet. And I’m sad. I want to help. I want to do something that could make it better - even though I know there’s nothing I can do that will make it better right now.
And I’ve had my share of being the one in need. There are more moments than I wanted to have experienced where it was difficult to ask for help. It felt difficult to receive help. There were times I believed I was a burden.
But friends showed up anyway, and they showed up in a myriad of ways. Encouraging notes in the mail. Uplifting text messages. A pan of brownies.
A very small number knew that sitting in silence with me was far more helpful than saying anything.
All of it helped.
But now I’m in a position where I’m not the one in need, and I want to help. Often when we're on that side of things, we struggle to offer because we don't know how, we don't want to add to the pain and hurt, it's uncomfortable, and we don't know what to say or do.
May I offer a suggestion? Go through the roof.
When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. 2 Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, 3 four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. 4 They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus.
Mark 2:1-4 NLT
If someone you love is hurting or in need, go through the roof to get them what they need but can't do for themselves. Sometimes it's all a person can do to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes even that is too difficult.
Offer.
Cook a meal. Do a load of laundry. Walk the dog. Feed the cat. Send a text. Mail a card. Sit in silence.
Ask.
What you think would be helpful may not be. Find out what feels helpful and meaningful to the person in need. And then follow through.
Sometimes the person in need doesn’t know what to ask for. Sometimes the difficult situation they’re in feels overwhelming or paralyzing. Ask anyway. It's not as if they've forgotten about their difficult circumstances and you're bringing it back to mind for them by offering help.
Show up.
Show up in whatever way they need. It could be something as simple as a text: “You’re on my mind today.” Or it could be more than that.
It’s okay if they refuse your offer to help. Allow the person to be where they are. Give them space to feel their feelings. Don’t force your timetable on their experience. Extend grace if they aren’t receptive to the help you’re offering.
But try again soon. A “no” right now doesn’t mean “no” forever.
Offer. Ask. Show up.
Go through the roof if you have to.
Have questions? I’d love to talk with you! Send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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