Many of us have been taught to not trust our emotions, but our emotions are not something to fear, stuff, or push away. A new perspective about our emotions - seeing them differently than we have in the past - is available!
Emotions are indicators of our internal reality. A friend of mine once referred to different emotions as the whistle on a tea kettle.* If we focus on the whistle but not on what’s causing the whistle, we miss so much! I’ve heard others compare our emotions to warning lights that appear on our car’s dashboard. Again, if we focus on the warning light but not on what the light is pointing to or indicating, we’re missing something important.
Taking some time to explore how you engage with your emotions, why you engage in the way you do (or don’t!), and the thoughts and beliefs connected to your emotions may be quite eye-opening and helpful.
One way to begin is to ask yourself questions like these:
What do I believe about showing emotion?
What have I learned from my family of origin about how to engage with/process emotion?
What specific emotion do I react to most negatively?
What emotion do I hold at arm’s length?
What do I believe about that specific emotion and/or what will happen if I engage with it?
Chances are, the emotion you hold at arm’s length is the one you need to make friends with.
Not all that long ago, I was very reluctant to engage with sadness. When I was finally ready to invite God into the process, he showed me a picture in my mind of me treading water, fighting hard. He revealed that the water represented sadness.
Then God showed me a picture of me floating peacefully in the water on my back. It was then I noticed a current in the water, and I was moving with the current’s flow. Fighting the current was keeping me stuck, but when I allowed myself to just be in the water, I moved through it. By constantly fighting against sadness, pushing it away, or trying to ignore it, I remained surrounded by it. In essence, I was at war with myself.
Engaging with sadness, recognizing why it was there, acknowledging its presence, honoring the causes of it, and then ultimately, releasing it was essential to no longer being held prisoner by it.
God showed me that making peace with sadness would allow me to move and not stay stuck.
This does not mean that sadness never made an appearance again! But the next time sadness showed up, I fought against it less. I was better able to make peace with it more quickly. My perspective shifted. I no longer see sadness as an enemy that I need to fight against or protect myself from. It’s not entirely effortless for me to engage with sadness, but the process is becoming easier.
Sadness - just like any other emotion - is an indicator of thoughts and beliefs. I no longer want to live at war with myself or with my emotions, and so, when sadness rises to the surface, I ask questions. I engage.
What am I believing about sadness?
What am I believing about engaging with sadness?
God, what do you want to show me in this moment?
Your emotions are not your enemies. Fighting against them, wishing they didn’t exist, or ignoring them may feel like relief in the moment, but it’s temporary. Being at war with yourself is exhausting and costly. Inviting others - God, friends, family, mentors, etc. - into this process with you may be helpful in finding something better, longer lasting, and truly healing. Ask those close to you what they notice about how you engage with your emotions. Ask God to show you how he sees you and your emotions.
Choose to get to know your emotions, get better acquainted with them. It creates a more peaceful way of living.
I’d love to help you begin to get better acquainted with your emotions. Please feel free to send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
*Mike Haynes is a youth pastor and owner of G Shades Youth Ministry Curriculum. He loves communicating from the stage, improving systems, and helping teenagers discover how God has wired them to make a difference.
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