"You are here." Three little words, usually found on a map, that can be incredibly helpful when you are trying to find your way around a new place. The idea is that when you find those three words on a map, they orient you to where you are in relation to the things surrounding you. But those words are only helpful if you have a general sense of direction and a general understanding of the things surrounding you.
My husband can go someplace new, remember very specific details about the place, and remember how to get back there without needing to consult a map. It's as if the map lives in his mind, and he can recall directions and specific details anytime he wants. The way it works for me is more along the lines of the examples below:
Joey gets "in the map" in an episode of Friends.
My point is…what is helpful and orienting for one person may be entirely unhelpful and, oftentimes even more confusing, to another person. And this also applies to a relationship with God. There is no one size fits all. Your relationship with God isn't supposed to look the same as any other person's relationship with God. It's one of the many reasons why only you can pursue your relationship with God.
President Theodore Roosevelt is thought to have said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." God made each of us in His image. We are reflections of our Creator. Reflections. Not exact copies. This means each of us reflects aspects of God's character in different ways. No one person looks like another (even identical twins are not exact copies of each other!), and no one person has the same skills, talents, and gifts as another. We may have similarities to one another, but each person is a unique design.
Comparing ourselves with others - who we are, what we have, and what we are able to do - is a dangerous habit. Yes, I wrote habit.
It's a choice.
We can choose to look at others, who they are, what they have, and what they're able to do, and line their stat sheet up next to ours. Or we can choose to ask God what His truth is about who He says we are, what He has given to us, and what He has equipped us to do.
The first choice will undoubtedly result in any combination of feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, anger, disappointment, self-hatred, jealousy, envy…just to name a few!
The second choice will undeniably result in feelings of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, just to name a few!
I don't have to know you well to know you'd prefer the results of choice #2! It may be safe to say we all would prefer the results of choice #2. But notice I said it's a choice. It may not feel like it. It may feel as though the results of choice #1 are inevitable, that they bubble up unbidden, and you don't know how to make them go away. (I talk more about choice in a previous post - Nothing is Inevitable.)
Cultivating your own relationship with God is not only a way to keep comparison at bay, but it's also necessary for you to hear TRUTH that will heal and transform you. Just like my husband processes directions and looking at a map differently than I do, he and I also process events and experiences in our lives differently. We share some similarities (actually several similarities), but we are each unique individuals with unique perspectives, needs, and desires. While we are on this life journey together, we aren't identical to one another, and so, we pursue a relationship with God together, but it is also necessary for each of us to pursue a relationship with God individually. (This does not only apply to those who are married. This is for anyone who has any connection to another human in any way.)
The truth from God that is meaningful and healing for Jon may not be the same as what is meaningful and healing for me. If my only connection to God was through Jon, I'd miss out on so much that is available to me. If I only ever asked Jon what God says about him, how he and God interact, and the healing Jon has received, I'm sure there would be good nuggets in there I could apply to my life, but it would fall short. It would be helpful and encouraging, but it'd still be missing something for me.
Asking God for His truth about who I am, what God has given me, and what God has equipped me to do is necessary for me to be able to navigate my life experiences.
Connection with others is important. Life in community not only wards off loneliness but also is a more full picture of a relationship with God. But only if comparison is not permitted to rule. (Check out this previous post for more on the importance of community - What did you say?).
Your life circumstances, others' opinions, whispers from the enemy, and so many other things will compete to interpret your life for you. Invite God into all of it. Ask Him. And when He says, "you are here," it will orient you to the things surrounding you in a way nothing else can.
One of my favorite things to do is help people connect to God in personal ways that help them identify who they are, where they are, and where they're going. There’s no cookie cutter option. There’s no such thing as “one size fits all” when it comes to a relationship with God. Each one of us is unique and so each of us has a unique relationship with God.
I’d love to help you discover more about your relationship with God. Please feel free to send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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