I never wanted to be the princess in the books I read and in the movies I watched. I wanted to be the hero - he seemed to have way more fun than the princess did!
But I was missing something. I was misunderstanding something. Several things, really. I was also misunderstanding the One who made me, His heart toward me, how He sees me.
George MacDonald, author and minister, said this about our knowing God: “It ought to be a startling thought, that we may have learned him wrong. That must be far worse than not to have learned him at all.”
I have learned the Father wrong. I have believed lies, and I have not trusted God; I’ve not believed that He loves me, that He will always take care of me. I have believed the lie that I have to take care of myself.
Thankfully, I am re-learning who the Father is.
In my experience growing up, femininity wasn’t overtly condemned or criticized, but it wasn’t celebrated either. When I was growing up, words like emotional, girly, and princess took on very negative connotations.
When I was a child, my parents told me often that I was pretty, spent time with me, made me feel valued. I was definitely loved. I knew I was loved, but I still struggled with how I viewed myself and with how I viewed my femininity.
God used a movie to begin to redefine things for me.
In case you’re not familiar with A Little Princess (1995), here’s a summary:
Little Sarah Crewe and her father had a loving, intimate relationship. Sarah’s mother died giving birth to Sarah’s sister, who died as well. So, because it’s just the two of them, Sarah and her father are very close.
Captain Crew dances with his daughter, gives her gifts that he knows will speak to her heart - like a locket with her mother’s picture in it - spends time with her, makes her feel secure, that she matters, that she is important.
Sarah and her father have an intimate relationship that can only occur because they have spent lots of time together. She knows her father because she has been in his presence all of her life. He has revealed his heart to her. She knows she is safe with him.
Sarah’s father is called upon to fight in World War I, and she goes to a boarding school in New York run by Ms. Minchin, who is not an overly caring woman. After being a most beloved student at the school, Sarah becomes a servant due to very unfortunate circumstances. I won’t give the plot away, but Ms. Minchin is jealous of Sarah, and there is a moment where Ms. Minchin is terribly degrading to Sarah.
Thankfully, because of Sarah’s close relationship with her father, she knows her true identity - that she is not a servant. That is her job, but that is not who she is. She is a princess - and Sarah tells Ms. Minchin that ALL little girls are princesses. She then asks Ms. Minchin, “Didn’t your father ever tell you that?!”
It is very obvious that Ms. Minchin was never told she was a princess.
I asked God why my view of being a princess was so negative. Why did I reject the idea of being a princess? In asking Him that, I realized how much self-hatred I had carried.
I began to tell God how sorry I was for hating myself - His creation. It was as if I could feel the pain I had been causing Him by hating myself. I thanked Him for making me and for making me exactly the way He did.
I was sitting outside at a women’s retreat as God and I were having this conversation. It was very cold and even though the moon was bright, I could still see so many stars - including the tiny ones because there was so little ambient light.
As I sat there looking at how vast the night sky was, I was overwhelmed by God’s creation. I was amazed at His love and kindness. I was in awe.
Then, He told me to look at the moon. He said, “My making you female is a gift to you. You’re just like the moon. You perfectly reflect the “true feminine” side of Me just as the moon reflects the sun. The moon reflects the sun's light, and you reflect My light.”
I thanked Him for His extravagant love, His abundance, His creation, His awesomeness - just everything about Him and who He is.
As I sat there, I asked God for a token of His love. In the movie, Sarah’s father had given her a locket, and I wanted a gift from my heavenly Father.
I thought I saw a star move. Not a falling star or a shooting star but move as if it had decided to change its position in the sky - it wanted to go from there...to there. I thought, Well, that can’t happen! But then I thought, God can do whatever He wants.
As I was staring at the star that had just moved - to see if it would move again - I saw a falling star. I thanked God for that. I felt like He had blown a kiss to me. I wanted to see more falling stars, but I told God I felt like I was being selfish if I asked for more. He said, “Princesses may ask their fathers for anything they want.” So, I asked for more falling stars.
Immediately, I saw two falling stars - one shot from one direction in the sky and the second shot from the opposite direction, crisscrossing paths.
Then He "winked" at me. I saw a bright flash in the sky. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I wanted to see more.
He told me He would move stars and even mountains for me. He said, “I would die for you...I did die for you.” A star flashed very brightly at me - another wink from my heavenly Father.
I was undone. I was completely overwhelmed by His love - for me!
Especially for me.
Specifically for me.
I told God He was going to have to tell me when to go inside even though I was freezing because I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to just sit in my Father’s presence.
After a few moments, He winked at me again, and I knew it was time to go.
“It ought to be a startling thought, that we may have learned him wrong. That must be far worse than not to have learned him at all.”
But we get to re-learn Him.
I’m re-learning the Father’s heart. He cherishes me. He will always provide for me. He pursues me. He winks at me and blows me kisses. All because He loves me and because I am His princess.
What is it that could use some redefining in your life? How have you learned the Father wrong? I'd love to talk with you about that. Please feel free to send me an email or schedule some one-on-one time with me. And consider subscribing to my blog, where I post lots of helpful suggestions on how you can begin (and continue) this journey of recovering your blueprint!
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